Category: Uncategorized


EVA – Through The Airlock

such a beautiful song I think of how beautiful my best friend is to me from the inside out and how I have never met a more amazing person.

Advertisements

for some time now my life has had some major drawbacks and my lifestyle has also changed as well.  It has been a rough few years between not being able to see my best friend in over 3 years to my local repair shop which was my life dream after High School not fair so well and this past year has been the hardest year of my life not knowing were my future holds for me and watching my business die out almost completely has really taken its toll on me.  I have been all over the Job market with no success finding a permanent job as of yet while in the process landing a part time job at a local supermarket which does not pay much but for now providing a paycheck for something every two weeks while I search for full time work trying at least in the computer industry but willing to try anything new.  It has saddened me to say that I have to close my repair shop were I started after High School which is so heartbreaking to see it did not make it.  My best friend ever since High School always supported my me and my business even before we both graduated High School together back in 2008 and I ran into her the other day at the supermarket were I work currently and having to tell her my shop did not make it broke my heart and was not something I would have ever wanted her to hear but when I told her I would be fixing computers at home on the side she told me she would continue to send people my way which tells me over 10 years later that she still truly cares about me and my well-being which means everything to me and she truly is my every reason to live.  I have been through so much but her support has been one of the best gifts I could have ever received and she has no idea what she truly means to me in my heart even when life gets into the way and you don’t get to see each other often anymore like you used to your friendship never fades away and we always remain close in each others heart which is everything.  I have yet to not feel so depressed as I have been all summer and trying to be happy or even find happiness is nearly impossible anymore.  The best week I had all summer was when I volunteered at the iCanBike event to help children with disabilities learn how to ride a bike all because my best friends best friend got me involved and I could have never been more grateful for the opportunity and it put a smile on my face something that I needed. It has been very hard for me lately and I try everyday to stay positive and I don’t know were I would be without my family and my best friend who I would be completely lost without her.

63 days weed free

As of today it has been 63 days since I made that fateful decision to stop smoking weed once and for all it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life it was the one thing that had truly taken over my life and it was also hurting my lungs and I was just not feeling myself anymore.  I had run into my best friend after not being able to see her in over 3 years and I did not know what to think at first, but I had soon realized how much she still truly loved me and so deeply cared about me it was like our friendship had truly stayed strong and so close just as she promised so many years ago that would never leave me and that was when I realized how truly blessed I was that God put us in each other’s lives and I had to change my ways and stop putting my health in harms way because the love my best friend gives me is so truly special that without words I just knew that she needed me here with her in her life and would do anything to never ever lose me and honestly I could never live my life without her.  It has been very hard for me these past 2 months or so since I stopped smoking one which my emotions go all over the place and having a hard time enjoying anything that ever brought me any joy in my life.  Kendall,, however, is one thing along side my family who has always been here for me and supporting me in so many ways and I have God to thank for these wonderful people every single day of life and this has been the longest I have not smoked any weed in over 5 years and as long as me and my best friend have each other I will not ever be smoking any more weed ever again she truly is my saving grace and worth all the trouble in the world.  I am very happy I have made it this far I still have lots of healing ahead of me but I feel confident that I will continue to succeed in this whole process and won’t relapse as what I struggled with in the past.

26 days of detox

It’s been 26 days since I started a path to be clean & free of all cannabis use. It is something I did so much of these past few years and something that I am truly ashamed of doing in the first place. I now live my life with many regrets for what I did and all the damage it had caused me both mentally and physically. I had tried so many times to just stop smoking it all for good but always feel short of that goal. I kept thinking of my future and everyone who loves me and I thought about someone who has truly been my best friend someone who would do anything for me and my love. I always had this pain deep inside me and the cannabis was the way of masking that pain however it’s usefulness was slowing fading away and I was not feeling myself anymore. I always stayed at home and never went out anywhere or with my closest friends like I had use to do all the time me wanting to keep myself safe so I was not taken from my best friend was and has always been my top goal and after not being able to see her for over 3 years I realized that I needed to change and I had to stop smoking it for good. I had always been hungry all the time and eating lots of bad food and had gained so much unhealthy weight which was making me tired all the time and making me very depressed. I knew she would never want this for me nor a few other true life blessings or my family. Over time my lungs got irritated all the time and one good friend of mine had a lung collapse on her with 3 major surgeries that moment really scared me so much that I knew I had to stop damaging my lungs so I would never have to worry about anything happening to me. It’s only been 26 days but it has been very hard on me especially with all the withdraw symptoms not being able to eat and feeling more depressed than I have ever felt before and even having lots of anxiety and worry over my future and so many other things that I can’t even enjoy having any fun anymore with the things that always brought me so much joy and happiness to my life I feel like I always need to be by myself just to feel my own safety zone which makes it really hard. If I did not wake up everyday to know I have so much love from my best friend of over 12 years knowing that she loves and cares for me so much I just don’t think I could ever get through all of this.

This is to someone who is so truly special to me, someone who I have been so blessed to have in my life for over 12 years who has truly shown me the true meaning of the word love and who has been a true daily lifelong gift to me in so many ways.  God has truly blessed us both by putting us in each-others lives over 12 years ago and she has forever changed my life.  I never have a single day of life that I don’t thank God for her & for keeping her out of harms way.  She is my one true saving grace in this whole world and I could not ever live my life without her.  I could never thank you enough for every last single thing you have ever done for me, all the love all your precious hugs and all your prayers throughout the years and especially after my car accident that almost took my life over 7 years ago.  I don’t know what I would have ever done if I was taken away from you I don’t think I could ever rest knowing just how much you truly care about me and my well-being.  I knew before I ever had that accident that wasn’t my fault just how much I truly meant to you deep inside that precious heart of yours when you could not sleep at night until you knew that I made it back to my home safe and sound and I would have never wished in a million years to ever put you in that situation of almost loosing me forever.  If you were ever taken from me I would never be able to live with myself the pain alone would kill me.  You are the sweetest soul I have ever laid my eyes on thank you for always being here for me and words could never thank you enough for every last prayer you gave to me I know deep inside my heart your everlasting love and prayers saved my life and I am forever grateful to have you in my life.  You are my heart in so many ways and there is nothing in this world that I would not do for you.  I love you sweetheart more than anything in the universe.  You truly are a heart of gold like nothing this world has ever seen.

To my close friends you are one of the greatest blessings I have ever been given to in my life and lots of things have been on my mind lately and lots of changes I will be making for the better of myself and for the ones who truly matter to me. It’s been a hard journey of sorts but with good faith I know I can get through anything but to be able to have the love care and support means everything to me and not a single day goes by that I don’t thank god for you all. If your able to read this then you are someone truly amazing and I just want to thank you for everything and no matter how far apart life puts us you will always be close in my heart and nothing can ever take that away from you because I will never let that happen.  

Match 22 2015

Lots of things have been on my mind lately and it just never seems to stop. I see people all the time try and try again to walk all over me like I door Matt and I have decided to better stand up to myself and be the one who is strong. Despite everything that’s been going on in my life lately I am still so truly grateful for my best friend Kendall and I couldn’t imagine life without her. She is a gods angel to me for everything she has ever done for me and she has truly shown me what the true meaning of love is and I will always love her for who she is just as she has to me. I have Learned that in life many headaches can come across your path but that eventually the storm will pass and better days are always ahead. I have learned to always be strong for everyone and Kendall has truly shown me just how important I have always been not just to her but for everyone else who has been in my life and because of her I can say that I am so truly loved and not a single day goes by that I don’t thank God for her and for always watching over her and everyone who truly matters to me and keeping the ball out of harms way. My life would never be the same without these amazing people in my life and for that I will always be truly forever grateful for it all.

Never loose your faith

No matter how bad or sad things may be sometimes never loose your faith.

IMG_1848.JPG

Quote for today

work

Don’t ever give up

IMG_1381.JPG