Archive for October, 2013




Its lake October and I have lots on my mind between work and everything else it just seems that nothing ever seems to workout just the way I need them in order to survive.  I love my job and everything I do but when business dies out almost completely and your not sure when your next source of income is going to be I seem to loose faith in myself and the motivation to stay positive.  Seeing how other businesses around me all seem to be in the same boat as me it just makes me wonder where our world is truly headed for and that kinda scares me more than anyone would ever think.  I am at least thankful for my true friends and family who have always supported my decisions since day one and I don’t know what I would ever do without them, they are my world and my life and one of the biggest reasons for me to live everyday likes its my last they have all helped me in ways you could never imagine and there’s noting in this world that I would not do for them and I’v been keeping my good friend Lauren R. in my thoughts and prayers everyday especially these past couple of months as I know they have been really hard on her with work and her classes shes been taking.  She has done really well and I just pray for a miracle that she is given the strength to help her complete these classes and especially keeping her going strong at work and praying that shes able to get some decent night sleep which I would do anything to allow her to have that and be able to just sleep dreams it truly would mean the world to me God she has never done me wrong and been one of the best things to ever happen to me and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Late October

Life has been very stressful with work being very slow this past week and trying hard to stay as active as possible so I don’t get very sick in the near future.  I am very thankful for all those friends who have to this day always been so supportive and always here to help keep me up and strong I just don’t know what I would ever do without them.  I was able to go out and see one of my best friends Mary Riccio who I have not seen in a long time and she was able to cheer me up a little and had a relaxing weekend just resting my body so I can be strong for the week ahead.  I often wonder about the future and sometimes it brings me into the past and some of these dreams how made me go crazy and it always seems to be in a format like being in a video game but with lots of confusion and mixed emotions that try and break my heart and I often think that it could all just be a bad nightmare but I am not sure because when I get those they hurt so bad you can often wake from the pain.  Going to be counting my blessings and saying my prayers and being thankful for what I have and the amazing friends who have always loved me cared for me and been there for me no matter what they all help keep me going strong and each and everyone of them is a true gods blessing to me and I will be forever grateful for all of it.

Waiting for something for any amount of time can be annoying or even just something that pumps you up with a smile knowing that the time will come and for whatever you are so happy for will most likely happen and the I can’t wait is all over your mind and its such a wonderful feeling knowing whats about to happen soon, but when you have something in your life that you want more than anything something that you know you want more than anything and knowing that deep inside you know that it will never happen in your lifetime.  The thought of setting around just waiting for something waiting for that day in your life that will never come is just a complete nightmare and like a bad dream that you can never wake up from.  You know that there is something else out there is this world that would fix the problems your heart feels everyday and despite what that is you know that it will never happen either and just waiting for something else to happen and another day to cure your blues and knowing that day is not coming for you either is now sounding more and more like a broken record that keeps skipping and every time the record spins around in the player you here the same thing over and over again exactly as you did before and the next part of that song that you are waiting for will never play and no matter how long you listen and wait you know that the thing you want to play will never play and you have to go your whole life going without the one thing your heart always wanted and knowing that just like the broken record being stuck is not even your fault but you still have to live everyday of your life in pain anyway and that really is the most unfair part of the whole thing and knowing you did not do anything wrong but still having to pay the consequences anyways.  You can learn to be strong and to keep your head up and even be so strong for everyone around you even during their worst times all while knowing your heart is burning deep down inside and the only one to feel your pain is yourself and I just wonder sometimes how I am still standing tall and strong as I am today just want it all to be a bad dream.

Afterglow by Ronski Speed

One of my favorite new songs such a beautiful soundtrack enjoy

Broken glass
Pieces of my shattered heart
I’ve been scattered
All around
All alone
This time I won’t have my way

Everything you promised me
Nowhere in a million years
You were gonna give
You were gonna keep to
Or let go

Four months later
Still in denial
Waking up on the floor
I still won’t take it in
I won’t believe
Let go

How twisted
Love has turned
When your eyes have lied to me
In afterglow

How cruel
The cracks won’t show
When your eyes have lied to me
In afterglow