Archive for December, 2012


Sometimes I just need to spell my heart out in order to feel better, but lately that has been so hard for me to do and right now I just feel a little lonely.  I know I have the greatest friends in the world and I know I would do anything for them, but somehow I have an empty feeling in my heart.  One day I met this girl from a friend of mine a couple years ago and she choose to put me in her life that night and we became friends.  We live about an hour apart, but always communicated on the phone and computer.  A lot of things starting happening to her that completely broke my heart and then we kind of lost touch for some time then one day I get invited to celebrate on her birthday and I said yes would love to.  I met up with her and a couple of her friends during the day and not long later we both got left behind and no way to contact the people she came with so I took her to my car and back to her friend’s apartment while I gave her a birthday present after all I knew she was going through some tough times lately and wanted her to feel loved. We later decided to go downtown to meet everyone again and shortly later they all left us again.  I stood by her side the whole night drinking birthday shots with her and I really had a fun night the most fun in a long time for me.  I later helped her get to my car to bring her to my place to sober up and sleep and I had realized that I truly cared a lot for this girl and she kept saying “I’m sorry Austin”, but I was not mad at her at all and I knew she was very depressed in ways I could never imagine.  The next morning I dropped her back off to her car and told her I loved her and gave her a hug goodbye and I haven’t had a chance to see her beautiful face ever since and to this day my heart has always had this lonely feeling inside that I just can’t ever understand.  I thank the good lord for her every day and I pray my heart out for her because she needs them more than anyone and I don’t know what I would ever do if anything ever happened to this girl she is the most amazing girl in the world and the best friend that I could have ever asked for and I worry about her all the time and I could never imagine in a million years living my life without her.

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I love my best friend more than anything and I wonder sometimes what I would ever do without her she is truly more amazing then you would ever know.  She always keeps me going strong and is always taking care of me no matter what and I could never imagine life without her and just the fact that my good friend Lauren has lost her best friend has completely broken my heart.  I love Lauren so much and she has truly been the best friend that I could have ever asked for and I had a chance to read her blog this morning and it just made me cry my heart out.  I have been praying my heart out for her and just thanking the good lord for always watching out for her and for keeping her safe I love Lauren and don’t know what I would ever do without her she has been such a big blessing to me and I just wish I knew what I could do to just help make her feel better.

I was reading my friends blog tonight as I always do and it made me cry.  I really care the world for her and I just feel so bad what happened to her over the weekend and I just wish I could have been their for her.  I just thank God that she made it home safe and sound because I truly don’t know what I would do with myself if anything ever happened to her, Lauren Ruiz means a lot to me and there is nothing in this world that I wouldn’t do for her.

I love my best friend she is the greatest thing to ever happen to me and I pray my heart out for her every single day.  I truly don’t know what I would have ever done without her and sometimes I just wish I knew how to tell her how much I love her and how much I truly care for her.  I know that this girl loves me and I can tell that she cares a lot about me and she always tells me what an amazing friend I have always been to her and so many and I know she knows that I love her, but she probably does not know exactly just how much.  No one outside of my own family has ever been here for me like she has and I would strait up die for her to save her life if there was no other way.  I sometimes ask myself why we always love each other, but I believe that God put us together in some way for some reason, but I just can’t ever seem to know the answer why, but despite whether or not I will ever know the reasons why we were put in each other’s lives or not I will promise to love and care for this girl for as long as I live and I will do whatever it takes to protect her life and keep her safe even if it puts my life at risk because I love her more than anything in this world and without her I would not want to live life at all she is truly the greatest blessing of all time and I am one lucky person to have this girl in my life to love and care for and that day many years ago back in High School when we first met in math class was the start of gods biggest blessing and to this day I am so glad I choose to put this amazing girl in my life because without her I don’t know what I would ever do with myself – I love you KP more than you will ever know.

I have been feeling so sad and depressed this past week and it’s been very hard for me to stay focused and not knowing how to fix things, but I know I can always count on my best friend to always be there for me as I always am to her and she helps keep me going strong everyday and I truly don’t know what I would ever do without her.  I am feeling a lot better today and not as sad as I have been and just so grateful to still be alive and here with the ones who matter most.  The Sam E seems to be working good and thus far and with my BFF being here and thinking about me today I feel happy with a smile on my face that its making me cry.  Hope your day is as blessed as mine.

I met someone over a year ago Lauren Ruiz and after spending the day with her on her birthday I had come to realized how much she truly means to me.   She is just an amazing friend that I have been truly blessed to have in my life and I thank god for her every single day.  I care so much for her and it just breaks my heart to see what this girl has been going through ever since she lost her best friend and I see the sadness and broken heart she has and I just wish that none of this had ever happened.  I am so truly thankful to have her in my  life and I pray my heart out for her every single day and I will do everything in my power to be the best friend that I can be for her and more importantly keep a smile on that beautiful face of hers because she is the last person on earth who would ever deserve all this pain and I could never imagine what she goes through every day, but I know that whatever she goes though hurts her more than anyone would ever know and she is a strong person, but I know that she is always hurting inside and I just ask God to keep her in his protection and that he keeps her going strong because I would do anything just to make sure that she is loved and cared for and that she never has to feel alone ever again.  I love you Lauren and I promise that no matter how tough things may get I will make sure we will get though all of it together and nothings ever too important that I can’t stop what I’m  doing to be here for you no matter what the problem is ♥

I love The Twilight Singers their music really touches my heart in ways you could never imagine and tonight I share this song title track called Twilight because whenever I am feeling down and depressed and all I want to do is cry I listen to this song and think of a better place far away from here. I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do and maybe it too will touch your heart as it did mine.

Just checking in tonight and hope everyone likes the new website I have spent lots of free time getting the site ready for its release tonight and I am just feeling so thankful to have such wonderful friends and family to share it with.  God I have a lot of my best-est. friends who I love so much and I miss them all like crazy and just want to be reunited with all of them again sometime after the holidays perhaps new year’s or something.  Last new year’s at my friend Kelly’s was the best new years I have ever had and to this day remember it like it was yesterday if only this year’s new years could be the same my heart would just melt away.

Life has not always gone in the directions that I would have hoped for lately and when things fall into place things go south a little bit for me.  Anyone who knows me knows how big my heart can be sometimes and how I try to do everything in my power to do the right thing and be here for the ones I love, but I have come to realize that with a big heart makes it very fragile and breaks more than I would expect.  Despite everything going on in my life right now I am just truly so grateful to just be alive and to just be here with the ones that I love with all my heart.  There is nothing I would ever want more in my life than to just be able to be here for the ones I love and care for them anyway I can.  Today I write all of this to say how much I love you and how much I truly appreciate everything you have done for me you are the best friends I could have ever asked for and every day when I pray to God for all of my life’s blessings I pray for each and every one of you.  I love you all more than anything in this world and I truly don’t know what I would ever do without you and if God knew how much I love and care for you he would be crying too.  I don’t know what direction my heart wants me to take or what my future has for me, but just knowing I have you in my life helps make everything better and for that I love you more than you would ever know.  Thank you for being there it means everything to me and I am always right here for you day/night for anything no matter what because I truly care about you and you mean the world to me and I don’t know what I would ever do without you.